My story

I knew before we got married. But thought it would go away when he had the real thing.

I found out shortly after we  got married - I caught him. But instead of facing him I looked at myself trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Tried to change everything about me to fit his desires.

A few years later I was told by someone I trusted that my husband didn't have an addiction.

So I told him it was between him and God and I was going to stop worrying about it.

Fast forward several years. I feel unsatisfied in my marriage, I feel like it is falling apart at the seams, I am doing everything I have been taught in church and by friends and family to save my marriage. Finally as a last resort we go to marriage counseling.

After a few sessions my husband confesses to still viewing pornography. And doesn't see why it matters.

He moves out for a short time, he begs to come back home showing what I thought was true remorse.

I promise to wait a year.

He has now been sober for 8 months (he says) and I am in a worse state then I was a year ago. (I think) but I could be wrong.  I want to heal. I want to heal and not worry about how it effects him when don't want to have sex very often or at all right now. I want to be focused on my healing instead of fear of him regressing.

We start counseling again soon- this time with a marriage counselor who specializes in sexual addiction. And this time around I have got my own counselor who specializes in the same thing!

So I am actually pretty happy underneath it all:)

I started teaching my little ones to pray this week :) and read scriptures. I decided to be done waiting for him to do it with me. I will do it alone, and invite him if I want, or not. And try to find joy and peace regardless.
Thanks for reading. Is nice to talk again :)